Many of us never learned how to develop healthy, satisfying relationships, mainly because, through no fault of our own, we  carried on acting out the dysfunctional patterns of  relating we had learned as children. As we awaken spiritually, however, we begin to look at all our relationships in a more conscious way; and, as we continue to awaken and evolve, we learn to relate to other people in ways that reflect increasingly higher  levels of mutual respect and consideration.

Before we can open ourselves to experiencing wonderful relationships of this kind,  however, we need to first get very clear in our minds (and very conscious!) about  what exactly constitutes a healthy, successful -  and  mature - relationship.  Read the rest of this entry »

 ~ On Being The Identified Patient

                                                         From Toxic Families Forum 2007

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. - George Bernard Shaw

Sometimes we are the family skeleton, the black sheep, the shame of the clan. Many times it’s because the clan is completely nuts. A dysfunctional family needs someone to focus on, someone to blame things on, someone to point to when things go wrong. In clinical settings, we call that person the “identified patient” or IP. It means that in a sick family system, the group has subconsciously elected one person to act out all the family sickness in a very overt way while the rest of the family acts it out in a covert way. Even if the IP tries to act “not sick,” the family will send messages to “get back where you belong” and set the IP up for failure. Before you know it, the identified patient is acting out AGAIN and the family is shocked (simply SHOCKED! that the person they set up to be the IP is acting like an IP). The IP does the bidding of insanity for the whole family.

It’s not that the identified patient is any sicker than the rest of the family, in fact they probably aren’t, but they are the one through whom the family channels all of its “stuff.” The family dynamic is to keep things status quo, to keep its eyes Read the rest of this entry »

 ”Life is a sacred journey within which the soul has a destination. Becoming more fully awake is an active choice. Exercising choices reveals the way to awaken to ever-unfolding enlightenment.”   A.J. Mahari. From her website, “Awakening To Enlightenment.”

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Guest Article

                 Toxic Relationships and The Need to Let Go,  by A. J. Mahari

Life is a series of hellos and good-byes. It is about attaching, connecting, and often separating and then detaching, disconnecting and letting go. In toxic relationships all-too-often one or both participants are not skilled when it comes to limits, boundaries, or letting go. Toxic people get addicted and have issues of neediness that cause them to avoid letting go when a healthier person would run the other way from the sheer emotional pain and suffering alone.

Not all connections are healthy ones. Many people get involved in what are known as toxic unhealthy relationships or even friendships. You can identify a toxic unhealthy relational dynamic when you feel that you are losing yourself to the control, wants, temper, or abuse of another, or if you are the one becoming abusive yourself for whatever reason.

Toxic unhealthy relationships often play out the unresolved wounds of our childhoods. Read the rest of this entry »

 Most of us  never learned how to  have relationships based on honesty, joy,  and a commitment to both party’s in the relationship,  (any relationship) being and remaining Whole.  If we’re willingly to live more consciously, however, it’s possible to lift our relationships to a whole new satisfying and intimate level. Here are just three of the quotes from an article that will help you achieve this. 

 ”When you are co-dependent you have a secret investment in people being less than they are,  so that you will be able to get away with being less than you are.”

“Unconscious loving thrives on victim-hood.”

“One of the Universe’s strategies is to put directly before you the things you are trying to avoid.”

These are quotes from the excellent “Conscious Loving:”  an extract from a book by Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks which can be found on   www.personaltransformation.com/PDF’s/Issue2pdf

Do read it. You have nothing to lose but your dysfunctional, unconscious, dissatisfying relationships!