Givers VS Takers
How can you tell the difference between “Givers” and “Takers”? Here’s a simple listing.
| Givers |
Takers |
| Why shouldn’t I help? |
Why should I help? |
| Don’t question motivations |
Ask “I wonder what they want?” |
| Ask, “How will this benefit others?” |
Ask, “What’s in it for me?” |
| Releasing |
Controlling |
Finds power and peace
in spiritual wisdom |
Finds power and peace in externals and things |
| Willing to be servants |
Must be “lords” |
| Follows the flow with insight |
Appears “In control” |
| Rolls with the punches |
Easily overwhelmed |
| Love unconditionally |
“Love” conditionally |
| High capacity for pain |
Low capacity for pain |
| Bear pain silently and with patience |
Whiners Read the rest of this entry »
. . . . . there comes a time in your life when you finally get it. . . . .When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks
and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!
Enough fighting,
Enough confusion
and crying
or struggling to hold on.And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum,
your sobs begin to subside,
you shudder once or twice,
you blink back your tears
and through a mantle of wet lashes
you begin to look at the world from a new perspective.
This is your awakening.
You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.You come to terms with the fact that there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter)
and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you.
Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. Read the rest of this entry »
If our relationships keep causing us pain, then it’s almost always a sure sign that we have learned how to relate to other people in dyfunctional ways, ways we learned during our childhood from our parents, who learned from theirs, who learned from theirs’, and so on, back through the generations. One day, however, when we are weary of the unhappines our relationships cause us, we see that our behaviour is dysfunctional and unhealthy. That becomes the day we are finally ready to see and acknowledge our wounds. If we also decide to change our behaviour, by seeking to act and relate in healthier ways, it also becomes the day we begin to heal. Then, as we heal, we begin to clear up our own and our family’s karma. We decide that the dysfunction, the karma, the pain, stops with us.
If you are ready to see and own your own woundedness, here’s another article to help you see your way through the (alchemical/karmic) “mess.”
Understanding Dysfunctional Relationship Patterns in Your Family
Many people hope that once they leave home, they will leave their family and childhood problems behind. However, many find that they experience similar problems, as well as similar feelings and relationship patterns, long after they Read the rest of this entry »
~ More on Real Love
From Toxic Families Forum
“…since the quality of emotional interplay in healthy relationships is often much subtler than the blatant drama of unhealthy relationships, its dramatic potential is usually overlooked in literature, drama and songs. If unhealthy styles of relating plague us, perhaps it is because that is very nearly all we see and all we know.” - Robin Norwood
It is not just popular culture that feeds dysfunctional relationships to us, but it our frame of reference from our own background telling us what relationships should look like. Read the rest of this entry »
~ On Being The Identified Patient
From Toxic Families Forum 2007
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. - George Bernard Shaw
Sometimes we are the family skeleton, the black sheep, the shame of the clan. Many times it’s because the clan is completely nuts. A dysfunctional family needs someone to focus on, someone to blame things on, someone to point to when things go wrong. In clinical settings, we call that person the “identified patient” or IP. It means that in a sick family system, the group has subconsciously elected one person to act out all the family sickness in a very overt way while the rest of the family acts it out in a covert way. Even if the IP tries to act “not sick,” the family will send messages to “get back where you belong” and set the IP up for failure. Before you know it, the identified patient is acting out AGAIN and the family is shocked (simply SHOCKED! that the person they set up to be the IP is acting like an IP). The IP does the bidding of insanity for the whole family.
It’s not that the identified patient is any sicker than the rest of the family, in fact they probably aren’t, but they are the one through whom the family channels all of its “stuff.” The family dynamic is to keep things status quo, to keep its eyes Read the rest of this entry »
The events of our life and the circumstances we find ourselves in are the direct result of the emotional and mental energy we radiate outwards from our inner being at every moment. Feel anxious and afraid for example, and you will draw events into your life which will allow you to feel even more fear and anxiety. Think what a horrible life/ job/ home, relationship(s) you have, then you will draw more events to you so that you can experience more of the same “reality.” The trick to creating the reality you want to experience is to imagine, think and feel only what you want to experience. Not what you don’t want.
Basically, our thoughts, beliefs, expectations , imaginings and emotions, flow outwards from our inner being and shape the events, dramas and circumstances that we are going to encounter later today, or tomorrow, or next month, or next year. When we become conscious of the cause and effect relationship between our inner and outer worlds, however, we can move on from believing in the illusion that we are a powerless victim of fate and start to create the life and reality we choose to experience.
There are, however, certain feeling-states and ideas that are incredibly powerful. Simply by Read the rest of this entry »
Outcomes & Expectations - A Prayer by Stefanie Miller.
I surrender to this moment. I allow it to be what it is.
I want for nothing, for I have all that I need.
I let go of my expectations so that miracles can happen.
I trust in the Divine flow of the Universe to
assist me in sorting through what is of value in my life and what isn’t.
Please, God, give me the strength and courage to let go of what Read the rest of this entry »
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