Who Are You, Really? 

If you can find out who you really are on a soul level, you’ll uncover the unique being you were always intended to be,  before the world and its conditioning inflicted its wounds on you,  and made you ashamed and afraid to reveal who you really are. You’ll also discover your unique place in the overall scheme of things, because in finding your true self,  you’ll also find your unique gift, and the contribution that only you, with your unique combination of characteristics, experiences and abilities,  can offer the world. 

For this to happen,  we need to go in search of ourselves. We need to remove the layers of the false self we have spent years constructing over and around our true,  authentic self: our soul.  So deep are these layers,  and so thorough the conditioning and the wounding we have received, that sometimes just the smallest gathering of threads  of our original,  genuine identity, remain in expression.

When this  is the case,  it’s because our soul has been brutalised almost beyond recognition, so brutalised that it has withdrawn from showing itself, and fallen into deep unconsciousness,  leaving an almost empty space where a strong, confident and unique identity should be. This space, which the false self attempts to fill with a ramshackle  collection of hazy notions about who we are,  leaves us not only uncertain about our identity and place in the world,  but equally uncertain about the kind of treatment we deserve to receive from other people.  In short, we have lost our sense of who we are; we have lost our soul.  So the question we all need to ask ourselves,  is, Do I know who I really am?

Is This You? 

Soul brutalisation is much more common than you might assume. In fact, it’s happened to anyone who  has learned to accept, and passively submit to, other people’s  bad behaviour on a regular, day to day basis.   Almost assuredly, that person will believe that such behaviour is normal or OK.  While it may  be considered normal in some circles to treat others badly: without respect, care and consideration for them or their feelings,   it’s never, ever OK.  Fortunately,  we can change our learned, conditioned behaviour if we wish to.  

First, however, we need to become more aware and clear about what kind of behaviour we’re willing to accept - and demonstrate towards others, of course.  Once we’re clear about the rules and standards of behaviour we’re going to follow, and begin to apply them,  immediately, our personal  boundaries strengthen. This, in turn, clarifies and increases our sense of selfhood, our sense of who we are.  And, when we ourselves are more clear about who we are, and how we deserve and expect to be treated,  so will other people know who we are.

I came across this  anonymous quote the  other day when I was going through some of my research notes. Unfortunately, for some reason, when I wrote it down, I hadn’t made a note of the source.  Anyway, my apologies to the source,  whoever it is, but the speaker is a perfect example of someone who’s  suffered soul damage.  Ask yourself, Is this you? 

“I come from a dysfunctional background. Quite honestly, I have great difficulty

understanding as an adult when I’m being treated in a way that’s just wrong.”

Owning  Your Own Soul.

  We all need  to be able to label, identify,  and distinguish one  type of behaviour from another.   If we’re not clear about how well or badly other people are treating us, or how we’re treating them, we  leave ourselves highly vulnerable to being used, manipulated, controlled, and/or dominated by others for their own ends. So, if this is you,  and you are  allowing yourself to be pushed and pulled around by others for their particular ends,  or benefit, it means you’re not in full possession of your own soul: you don’t quite know who you are, or where you exist in the  universal scheme of things.   

Sadly, if we don’t own our own soul,  we can be certain that someone else does: because we’ve either given ownership of it away,  or someone has taken it from us. Whatever the case, we usually never realize it’s  happened,  or happening,  we’re usually too unconscious of what’s really going on in our lives and relationships. 

You  could  - and you might have to think about this long and hard -  still be  handing ownership of your soul away on a regular basis, and to more than one person: maybe to any Tom, Dick and Harry who can get you to say or do whatever they want you to by throwing a tantrum, making you feel guilty, responsible, stupid, frightened, nervous, inadequate, protective, whatever . . .  I’m sure you’ve got at least one or two insecurities, vulnerabilities and fears that the multitude of ego-dominated,  lower selves  in the world  will quickly identify and play on, consciously or unconsciously.

The point is, we  can’t allow ourselves, our souls, to be in bondage to other people by submitting passively or unconsciously to their  desire to control, manipulate, use and dominate us, not if we want to be the star of our own life, or find our unique gift,  or serve the higher plan for humanity, or be Whole, authentic, or “just” be the proud owner of our own souls. 

Become Informed, Educate Yourself, and Be Conscious.

 Our weapons  in the battle for our soul need not be aggression or  force,  or even, heaven forbid,  the use of more skillful and subtle manipulations and strategies than are used upon us. They are knowledge, awareness, and full consciousness of what is going on around us and in our relationships all of the time, as well as steadfastness in our commitment to ourselves and to the valuable, unique being we truly are.   

So, if you’re not entirely clear about what is acceptable behaviour and what isn’t, you really need to educate and inform your self on the subject.  Learn about all the ways we can be bullied and manipulated  into doing things we haven’t intended,  or don’t want,  to do. Also,  inform yourself about your basic rights and entitlements,  and how to assert yourself in all kinds of ways and in all circumstances and situations. 

 (See the article, “Bill of Personal Rights” in my “Personal Power and Relationships”  Category,  on this site, and the Link, “Abuse you may not realise”  on my Links page. That  site also contains a link to many more useful sites on these kinds of topics and issues. There are lots of books available,  and even more websites,  of course,  if you need or want to look further afield.)

Basically, if someone wants you to do something,  or act in a way that goes against your best and highest interests,  then that person isn’t treating you well, and they don’t really care about you,  they care more about themselves and what they want.  Recognition and acknowledgement of what’s really going on in any situation or relationship is  a necessary step if we are to allow ourselves to receive respect and good treatment from other people. 

If you do want to bring about changes  within your self and your relationships so that you are  living at a higher, more spiritually evolved  level, do remember that some people may possibly choose to leave your life  because they don’t want to match your new type of energy: they don’t want the relationship to change. If this is the case, you have a choice to make, do you choose to free your soul and head for a freer, more fulfilling life based on honesty, integrity, equality and respect for everyone, or do you remain who and where you are. This decision, may be the most important one you ever make.