Most of us have manufactured a false self to replace our original, true self: our soul. We begin to build this false self from an early age as we learn from those who take care of us - in particular our mother, or primary caretaker - that some of our behaviour is unacceptable, wrong or bad. By a system of reward and withdrawal of what we want and need, or reward and punishment, we are conditioned to adjust, or completely change, our natural, instinctive way of behaving and responding. In this way, we gradually replace all of the “unacceptable” parts of our original identity, with a false, but acceptable, identity.

As infants, for example, our instinct is to cry when we want something, and to keep on crying until our needs and desires are satisfied. If our crying is rewarded by us getting what we want, then we’ll carry on with this behaviour because it’s successful from our point of view. If we are chastised or punished when we cry, or simply endure a withdrawal of attention and affection, then we learn not to cry, it’s as simple as that. We change our behaviour, change who we are, in order to get what we need.

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